Mammismo Vs Machismo

ciao amici,
I have had some revelations in regards to the curiosity I expressed in my first post. The Battle of the Sexes takes on a whole new meaning here in Italy! To quote my first post to this blog...

"Seems to me that on the surface it looks like the Italian women have much less freedom than American women. But I sense this underlying confidence and strength in them that could only come from being the ones really in charge... behind the scenes... for generations. I will be investigating this"

I have discovered the reason for this look of confidence! Is is called Mammismo.

Machismo.
First I want to talk about Machismo. I have known this term and it's meaning my entire life. Maybe it is because some of my oldest memories include the beginnings of feminism. I remember as a very small child seeing the bra burnings on TV and hearing the preaching of Helen Gurly Brown. Macho was just plain wrong! (But I secretly like it lol shhhhh) I remember my anger when I heard about archaic "Machismo Laws" practiced in South America where men were allowed to beat their wives with a stick no bigger than their thumb in thickness. And my outrage when I heard that men in Brazil and Argentina were getting away with murdering their adulterous wives because they just could not help their natural instinctive (and excusable!) rage that was a natural part of being a man. And then there was the song "Macho Man" made popular by the Village People. "Macho Macho man... I want to be a macho man". cute, very cute lol When I was in school if a boy showed too much attachment to his mother he was labled a "Mamma's Boy" and became the brunt of much teasing and tormenting. American boys are expected to move out of the house, earn a living and be self sufficient at the tender age of 18 years. Too young I say! There needs to be a middle ground between 18 and 40 for both American men and Italian men leaving home.

Mammismo
This is a brand new term for me. The Italian to English dictionary defines this as... Momism. wow. And the expression "Mama Mia" is defined as "oh heavens" or "good gracious". (the words "Machismo and Macho" are NOT even included in the English to Italian - Italian to English dictionaries. I checked three versions just to be sure) In the conversation part of my Italian language classes, there has been much discussion about the problems Mammismo causes. My female teachers make jokes about it, but they are dead serious about it being a problem. Here in Italy Mammismo is blamed for the fact that Italian men live at home with their mothers till they are between 30-40 years old. Then after the men marry often into their 40's much marital misery is suffered and marital bliss is interrupted by the man's mother and her demands of time and devotion from her married son. I see it in practice on the streets here too. Italian mothers dote to extremes over their spoiled little boys. lol I see the 20-30 year old boys walking down the street hand in hand or tailing after their aging mothers.

Antonella, the Italian woman from Florence that I met in New Orleans last year told me her personal horror story and warned me to beware of the Italian Mother. She said this is the reason she would never return to Italy. She said she would rather die than come back here to live. She told me the "Love of her Life" was sabotaged and finally extinguished by his mother who hated her. She said it took 5 years miserable years for the woman to accomplish this.

Maybe THAT is why Antonio avoided me after our date! I remember him mentioning that he had to help his mother get ready for bed at night. and he was 42 years old and still single! Maybe his mother said "NO Antonio! you will not be seeing that American woman again!" This does happen rarely and very covertly in America. My mother is a very strong woman and my brother who will be 53 this year still lives at home!

No my American friends and family, you do not have to worry about me marrying an Italian man and not returning home! I think of Rosa the sweet old Italian woman who took me home to overfeed me on my first day here in Otranto. Instead of referring to me as " La sola Americana bella" "the beautiful single american woman". If I had met her son first. She would have shunned me and said "Bitch! you better stay away from my son!". My daughters and other sources say Italian men make the best lovers... but I may never get the chance to know if this is true (sniff sniff). I cannot see myself wooing some old Italian woman. lol lol.

I am not asking for sympathy here... but my experiences with falling in love with 3 men in my life (well make that 4 now) have been very painful for me and resulted in much unhappiness. I do not see myself becoming a lesbian either. So maybe I will have to accept that I will have to live a life of celibacy. OH MIA DIO!

Perche, hanno uomini italiano cosi bello e cosi molto molto dolce anche? (why do italian men have to be so beautiful and so very very sweet too) BECAUSE OF THEIR MOTHERS THATS WHY!!!!
OH MAMA MIA! and I have no sons to dote on me in my old age either.

Curses:
- Mammismo!
- My wild heart. I'll just have to try harder to tame it. I cant take all this pain of falling in love over and over. Not just miseries from the men in my life! All my favorite fellow student are gone now... the separation has hurt bad, and I am all alone (tears come again) like my first week here.
- my passion. I really do have to find some drug or physical practice to kill this libido of mine. it's going to get me into trouble sooner or later I just know it. Maybe yoga?
- Near death experience. I almost got hit by a car this morning. it brushed me going way too fast. Damned narrow sidewalks! Maybe this will inspire me to finish the piece I started that is a rant about the cars and drivers here.

Blessings: i am in a terrible mood today and I had to think really hard to find a blessing.
- live Cuban Music.
- the people who have commented on my blog or sent me e-mails to let me know they are enjoying it!! I LOVE YOU! Makes the time and expense worth while to me really.

This weekend is the Italian equivalent of Memorial Day weekend. They cordoned off the streets of downtown and old town. there are bandstand all over with live music blaring. I was watching a really hot Cuban band performing last night. The lead singer was speaking Italian and singing in Spanish! Then he spotted me... the only one in the crown doing the Cha Cha. He ran out and grabbed my hand and tried to pull me up the the band stand... I resisted "NO NO I CANT DO THIS!!! (thinking of my reputation sheeesh). "OH YES YOU CAN!" he says in perfect English. So i did, go up and dance with him. Yikes, there goes my good reputation. But after I danced with the singer I did see some of the Italians starting to sing and dance along too. it was fun but I was late meeting my fellow students for dinner. Our last dinner together.

SAD SAD... All alone... real tears again....

Warning... next Update will be that SHAMELESS plea for money I was warning you about. My account is nearly dry... This blog update took me nearly 2+ hours to write up! (6€ = $10) I am not a fast typist and The Italian keyboard is much different and causes me to have to do much correction too.

missing and loving you all sooooo....